anyway

anyway i love you
everyday i get more sure
anyway i love you
more and more,
and more and more and more


good old Dan Fogelburg may be listed high up among the
people who came after my grandparents love
who saved me from dark despair through my surrupticious
childhood, with all the places i had aready been in my head, by seven

i needed saving, and not just by Jesus and God alone...i really TRIED
i really did try (with all of my being) to Trust as I should
I gave myself wholly and freely to God, "all by my lonesome"
one day in my mamaw and papaws yard, it was almost the front yard
but more or less the side...I wanted to feel somewhat protected
from prying eyes, and since there was a fairly busy road near us
i took myself back a bit and off to the side of the front porch
behind the porch-swing we sat and rocked in to and fro in complete comfort
there at the house i remember as a fountain of love and understanding
i had gathered up my mamaw Georgie's family Bible
and I had taken my gentle hopes on out to the sunny green grass with it
the 'good book' was neither light nor heavy, just like the feelings in me that went along
they were sort of average, everyday feelings that i was carrying...
but that meant, for me, i was burdened by a deep need to do something
about something, and so i went like a little Christian soldier to do something, needed doing

i didn't tell anyone what i was up to, i recall,  there was a lot of personal freedom at my
mamaw and papaws, we did pretty much whatever we had been taught from our early days
and part of that was to eck out some personal time, sometimes, and just be with yourself

we had quite a bit, well, loads and loads of togetherness...so some time off to oneself seemed like a good idea to all of us at times there ( in that home i loved so much)...sometimes papaw would just sit on a stump
outside the back door of the little house, and he would slowly peel of a little sliver
of (often sweet smelling) wood from a small branch or a sassafrass stick in his hand, with his faithful pocket-knife, everytime i came 'round he always had a smile for me or it's equivilant, a handsome winful expression that meant i love you kid, no matter what

mamaw was usually being very industrious with some needle and thread, whipping together teensy but strong little stitches on a new quilt, or maybe she'd be happily but seriously, and never half-heartedly crocheting another afgan to lay across the divan, or a chair, (or giving as a gift) for comforts sake in case the weather suddenly turned, as was want to do in the Tennessee River Valley where they had lived for some time together already, just outside Knoxville...or cooking up a lovely pot roast with 'taters and celery, and carrots that would just about  'set the house on fire' with a pungent smell that felt (or smelt) something like pure motherly love, in a dish....there were always generous helpings and nice special treats for the side dishes too like the reddest tomatoes cut fresh, and yummy pickled beets, and potato salad, bread-and- butter pickles, and cottage cheese, and bread with butter too or dinner buns...if you didn't want the roast (ridiculous idea) there was somethin for you too, like home-made piminto- cheese for a sandwich, or deviled-eggs or deviled- ham (which made a kid wonder why something so good was named for someone so evil) ... well there was  just anything you could just about ever want, as i saw it. The best of days, the meal would be followed with home-made ice cream, and maybe some coconut cake mamaw liked to make, or those philly creme-cheese cakes with strawberries or cherrys, so delicious!

well i set out with the Bible to the yard with one basic thing on my mind...i was going to ask the indwelling God~Spirit to make good use of me. I had heard that one must be 'Babtized of the Spirit" and I was not about to be left out of that scene, when i wanted something i just pretty much decided if it was a good idea ornot, then set about to make it either happen or never happen, if you know wht i mean.  any kid worth his weight in gumption in those parts did about the same in life, during those times.

 I didn't care much about a show, or the funny idea of being dropped backward (by someone I hardly even knew)  into some water pit in front of a large crowd, being that i was a pretty much private sort a person at that time. I figured that i 'd just do it my way...our family had a great lions share of that "streak of Independance" you heard tell about...and i was pleased to give my life to God in that vein...as I thought the Almighty would probably appreciate, and so I went to it, alone, un-announced and eager to please my Lord. i gave it evrything I had in me boy... you see

I liked what I was learning about Christ Jesus in Sunday school, when we went to church...I believe we went to Sand Branch Church, but I could sure be wrong about that. I remember that one of my very best friends, my pal from Ramsey Elemenary school, Cathy Caldwell went there too...at least sometimes...i wouldn't know if she went regular there, because we didn't.

Too many weekends were saved and savored, for trips to the mountains, meaning the little cabin called the Sycamore, my grandparents owned up in Gatlinburg, and we usually couldn't wait to get oueselves on up to surrounding hiking trails leading up to the tops of ridges and mountains, like the chimney tops and mt. le conte, and to Cades Cove for picnics...these places were my familys second home... set squarely within the famous Appelachain Trail chain of mountains that stretched from Georgia below us, all the way up into God knows where...i knew it went on "nearly forever" which meant hundreds and hundreds of miles.